


Lies

by thesaltydragon, UnfortunatelySux



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Memory Loss, brief Implied Sexual Content, fake established relationship, it’s kinda weird, jeremy wants kisses, michael’s a mess, morally ambiguous ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 09:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14258454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesaltydragon/pseuds/thesaltydragon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnfortunatelySux/pseuds/UnfortunatelySux
Summary: The doctor called it ‘post traumatic amnesia.’————Jeremy doesn’t remember Michael when he wakes up after the play. Lies are told.





	Lies

Jeremy hadn’t woken up yet. Unbeknownst to him, Rich Goranski had been his hospital roommate, until he was discharged. People came and went. The rest of the students affected by the SQUIP had physically healed. Jeremy hadn’t. He still lay in his hospital bed, numb to the world. 

Michael sighed as he sat idly in the hospital chair beside Jeremy's bed. He visited him every day.

The nurse had come in. She’d told Michael and Jeremy’s father that Jeremy should be waking up any time now. She said it wasn’t a coma, and that they couldn’t explain it, but he was otherwise healthy. 

As Michael watched Jeremy’s form, there was a beeping sound and something akin to a groan came from Jeremy’s direction. 

Michael was instantly at his side. “Jere? Jeremy? Buddy, are you awake?”

Jeremy twitched, his left eye finally cracking open. “Huh?” he managed. 

Michael gasped, arms flailing. “Oh, Shit! Am I supposed to call the nurse?! Fuck! Jeremy! Are you okay?!”

Jeremy coughed. “‘M fine,” he mumbled. He didn’t seem to process what Michael was saying. “Are you my nurse?” he slurred. “Am I in a hospital?”

Michael could feel himself pale. “Uh, wh-what? Of course I'm not your nurse, it's me, Jerm! D-Don’t kid around like that.”

“How do you know my name?” Jeremy asked as he tried to sit up. He was definitely in a hospital. 

Michael's stomach dropped, his limbs suddenly feeling heavy with dread. His head felt fuzzy. “Jeremy, please, stop, It's me! Michael! It's Michael, right?” Michael swallowed down the distress rising in his chest.

Jeremy held his head in his hands. “I don’t think I know you. What’s going on?”

Michael stumbled back as though he had been hit. It felt like he had. “J-Jeremy,” he pleaded, voice thin. “You- what do you remember?”

Jeremy tilted his head. “Are you my nurse? I think I should only tell my nurse. That- that sounds legal.” As his headache grew, the familiar feeling of anxiety did as well. 

Michael didn't notice when his legs gave out, leaving him hunched on his hands and knees in the corner, eyes watery as he stared blankly at the floor. There was no way the universe was cruel enough to do this, right? This had to be some fucked up Joke.

“H-Hey, are you okay? What happened? Do you need help?” Jeremy didn’t know why this guy just suddenly fell to his knees. It seemed a little suspect. 

Michael couldn't hear him anymore. He curled in on himself, shaking lightly. The hope that Jeremy would be back to normal had been all he had, but now? What was he meant to do?

“Hey!” Jeremy stumbled weakly to his feet. “Dude, I-I’m gonna find a doctor.” He thought maybe a mental patient got off on the wrong floor. 

Michael gasped, shaking his head. Now was no time to be feeling sorry for himself. “No! I'm sorry, I just-” he cleared his throat. “I’ll go get the doctor. You sit back down. I- I’ll– I’m sorry.” 

Jeremy numbly sat back on the edge of his bed. “O-Okay…” He trailed off. What was going on?

Michael sniffled, nodding resolutely before scrambling out of the room in search of the nearest professional.

Jeremy hugged his knees to his chest. He was suddenly aware of how cold it was. 

—————

The doctor called it ‘post traumatic amnesia.’ 

Michael had been allowed to stay in the room whilst the doctor explained. Although, the whole time he was talking Michael just felt like his heart was being ripped out and stuffed in a shredder.

When the woman left, Jeremy sucked in a breath and winced. “So I don’t remember you?”

Michael tried not to wince as he nodded dumbly. “I guess not.”

“But I remember everything else,” Jeremy said, mostly to himself. The medication given to him for his headache seemed to ease his beating heart, too. He wasn’t as scared as earlier. “The SQUIP, the Halloween party, the play– Were you there for that?”

Michael did flinch at that. “Yeah- Yes. I was.” So it was only Michael that Jeremy forgot? Great. That definitely didn't feel like a stab in the heart.

Jeremy thought for a minute. “Are you my boyfriend?” It could be true, he figured. The SQUIP could have been against them together and forced him to pursue Brooke. But that didn’t explain his infatuation with Christine. Whatever. He’d get an answer. 

Michael froze, eyes wide. “Uhh.” He didn't know what to say! He shouldn't lie, that would be wrong. But, on the other hand, Jeremy would think they were dating. Which meant Michael would finally get to try the things he’d always wanted. 

Jeremy sat expectantly, waiting for an answer. “I-I wouldn’t be upset, you know. If you were.” He blushed. “You’re cute,” he murmured. 

Michael's face lit up in a blush. “W-We were best friends,” he blurted. “For 12 years. But, uh, I got a crush on you in m-middle school, and we g-got togeth-ther.” Shit, what the hell was he saying?!

Jeremy’s eyes widened. “We did?” He sounded happy and hopeful. “After twelve years? Wow! That’s amazing!” 

Michael laughed nervously. “Well, actually, middle school was four years ago, s-so..”

“Must have forgot math too,” Jeremy muttered. He raised his voice. “You visited me in the hospital! How sweet! Does my dad approve?”

“Uh, y-yeah,” he muttered. “He likes me.” That was technically true. He cleared his throat. “And of course I visited. I've been here every d-day.”

Jeremy’s smile disappeared. “Every day? H-How long has it been?”

Michael's nervous expression suddenly turned grim. “A month.”

“You’re lying,” Jeremy deadpanned. 

Michael shook his head, staring at the ground. “I'm not,” he sighed. “It's been hell. I've missed you. So much.”

“A month?” Jeremy’s voice was broken. “I-Is everyone else okay?” He remembered Rich and Jake had been hurt, and the others had all passed out with him during the play. 

Michael nodded. “They're fine. Worried, but fine.” He chewed on his lip, itching to move closer. He wanted nothing more than to hug Jeremy as tight as he could, but he didn't want to scare him by overstepping his boundaries. Michael's heart twisted as he was reminded that he was virtually a stranger to him.

Jeremy nodded. “Good.” He tried to smile again. “Tell me about yourself. M-Maybe it’ll help the memories come back.” He wanted to remember Michael. Awfully bad. He wanted to remember when they’d gotten together, their first kiss, if they were virgins. 

Michael smiled sadly, settling into the chair beside Jeremy's bed. “Well, my name is Michael Mell. We met in, like, kindergarten when a bully pushed me over and you came to my rescue.” Michael smiled to himself at the memory. “After that we were pretty much attached at the hip. It was just us against everything, but it worked. It was good.” Michael's smile faltered. “Until… the SQUIP, anyway.”

Jeremy frowned angrily. “I bet it made me leave you,” he grumbled. “I’m so sorry.” He wanted to ask about their relationship, but Michael would mention it if he wanted to. “I did so many bad things.”

Michael smiled sadly. “It wasn't your fault. You didn't know.” 

“I still let it happen. And now I can’t even remember you.” Jeremy sniffled. “I can’t imagine how awful you feel right now.”

Michael looked up at him, a flash of pain crossing his features. “It's, um,” he tried to clear the scratchiness from his throat in vain. “It's not amazing,” he admitted.

“I’m so sorry,” Jeremy repeated. Even though he couldn’t remember Michael, he really did feel sorry for how he felt. He knew it was his fault. 

Michael nodded. “Me too.” He sighed. “We liked to play games together. And roller skating.”

“P-Past tense?” Jeremy couldn’t help but notice. 

Michael's eyes widened. “Like! We _like_ to do those things.” Michael gulped. “Sorry. Um. I just kinda got used to it, with the SQUIP stuff, you know?” Michael hesitated. Maybe he could get himself out of this situation somehow. “Although, uh, I guess we _aren't_ together anymore, huh? With the SQUIP and now this- it would be selfish of me to force you to be with me when you don't even remember me.” It wasn't hard to pretend that the idea was painful. He didn't have to pretend at all.

“No! I want this! I want to be as normal as I can! Please,” Jeremy turned to whispering by the end. “Consider yourself officially not single anymore. Again.”

Michael blushed heavily, heart stuttering. “O-Okay. If that's what you w-want.” Michael gave him a timid smile. “I've missed you.”

Jeremy shakily reached out a hand to Michael, anticipating the other to take it. “I’m sorry I was gone so long.”

Michael did, albeit hesitantly. “It's okay,” he whispered. “I don't mind waiting.”

Jeremy smiled. “I must be really lucky to have you, huh?”

Michael chuckled. “Nah. I'm definitely the lucky one.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Michael quickly leaned up to press a kiss to Jeremy's cheek before he lost his nerve. “Positive.”

Jeremy’s smile widened. “That feels right,” he said, more to himself. “I like that.” 

Michael’s heart pounded. “Me too,” he whispered, smiling back. It _did_ feel right.

Jeremy grinned. “Where’s my dad?”

Michael blinked, tensing slightly. “Uh, he's on his way, I think.” Shit.

“Oh, okay,” Jeremy muttered. “So we play video games? Do I win?”

Michael felt his tension wash away, just like it always had around Jeremy. “If you're lucky,” he teased, sticking his tongue out. “I'll beat your ass at Mario kart.”

“I thought I was good at Mario Kart!” Jeremy groaned. 

“You are. But I'm better.”

“I think you’re lying to me, Michael,” Jeremy said. The name felt right on his tongue. 

Michael grinned, squeezing Jeremy's hand. “Wanna find out once you get outta this place?”

“Hell yeah I do!” Jeremy exclaimed. “By the way, am I free to go?”

Michael shrugged. “I dunno. I'll go if you do.”

“Guess I gotta wait for my dad, huh?” Jeremy already felt comfortable around this guy. He could see how they were a couple. 

Michael shrugged again. “I mean, I'm sure he'd figure it out eventually.”

“I-I’ve been in the hospital for a month, I don’t think he would like it if I went off with you and didn’t tell him I was even awake,” Jeremy rationalized. 

Michael grimaced, pouting slightly. “Fine, I guess you're right.”

“But if he really likes you like you said he does, then he shouldn’t have a problem with us hanging out! Right?” Jeremy was hopeful. He wanted his memories back. 

Michael smiled reassuringly. “Of course not!” As long as he didn't bring up the whole dating thing…

Jeremy was still grinning. “For someone who’s been out of it for a month, I feel pretty good! Maybe it’s this medicine.” He couldn’t explain it. His headache was gone, and he felt like he’d simply woken up from a good nap. 

Michael softened. “That's good. I'm glad you're feeling better. I've been so worried.”

Jeremy decided Michael was adorable. “Aw, you worried about me?”

Michael blushed, not meeting Jeremy's eyes. “Of course,” he muttered. “Dunno what I’d do without you.”

Jeremy laughed. “Are we a cute couple? Do people like us? I hope so.”

Michael blushed harder. “Rich wrote 'Boyf’ on your backpack, and 'riends’ on mine, if that tells you anything.”

“Even Rich supports us?!” Jeremy was shocked. “Wow! That’s amazing!”

“Support is one word,” Michael muttered under his breath.

“We must be a power couple. You look like power couple material. Are you popular? Well, I guess not, since the SQUIP– I don’t really wanna think about that. Sorry, am I rambling?” Jeremy felt like he hadn’t spoken in a month, and it was apparently true. 

Michael smiled fondly. “Yeah. Keep going, I’m listening.”

“O-Oh. Well, I was just thinking. Because you look way out of my league. No kidding, I-I obviously don’t know if I’ve ever said this, but you’re _hot_. And I’m just...gross. How did I land you? Is it because we were friends?” Jeremy was intrigued. 

Michael held up a hand, turning away so Jeremy couldn't see the raging blush on his face. “Ah,” Michael cleared his throat after his voice cracked. “I'm not h-hot, Jere, I’m just… me. Also, you’re not gross! You're amazing and cute and funny. _You're_ out of _my_ league! I mean, we both know you could have anyone you wanted-” he stopped, gulping anxiously. “I, uh, I just… really like you.”

“Well, I must really like you too! If we’ve been together that long!” Jeremy tilted his head like an excited puppy. “Can I ask a personal question?”

Michael nodded, intrigued.

Jeremy fidgeted. “Well, um, how do I ask this– I don’t remember– I mean– I can’t recall– Am I a virgin?” he squeaked. 

Michael didn't think he'd ever blushed so hard. “Wh- Uh- I mean…” he gulped. “A-As far as I kn-now? I mean, we’ve done… _stuff_ together before but we haven't… we’ve been.. taking it slow.” Twelve years slow.

Jeremy nodded. “Right,” he mumbled. “Thanks.” He didn’t think Michael would be comfortable telling him what ‘stuff’ was. 

Michael scrambled to continue. “N-Not that we haven't wanted to! _God_ have I wanted to. We just.. haven't found the right time.” Michael cleared his throat again. “Once, you j-jacked off on the phone w-with me. Without telling m-me.” He blushed. That was true.

Jeremy turned red. “I-I _what?!_ God– I’m sorry–” The bad part was that it was completely believable. Jeremy hadn’t forgotten his preoccupation with...such activities.

Michael shook his head. “Don't be.” He leaned closer, voice lowering. “It was hot.”

Jeremy squeaked again. “R-Right.” Michael must really be into him if he thought anything about him was hot. 

Michael smiled at Jeremy's embarrassment. He was so cute like that. And just in general. He didn't notice that he was leaning closer and closer.

Jeremy made no effort to move away. “I like your hoodie,” he said out of nowhere in particular. 

Michael stopped when he was only about a foot away from Jeremy’s face. “Thanks. You gave me most of the patches. I like your face.”

“My face?” Jeremy couldn’t fathom it. He was asymmetric and had acne and scars dotting his cheeks. 

Michael nodded. “Your face.” He reached out a hand to trace a finger over one of the small scars.

“B-But I’m oily and nasty,” Jeremy protested, noticing how he reflexively leaned into the touch. 

Michael's heart skipped a beat when Jeremy pressed into his fingers. “You're beautiful,” he smiled, ignoring his blush. This was his only chance to tell Jeremy how he really felt. He could deal with the fallout later. He had been keeping this shit bottled up for far too long. He inched closer. “I mean it.”

“M-Michael…” Jeremy laughed, trailing off. It was the name of a stranger, but like before, no name had ever felt more right coming from Jeremy’s lips. Despite everything, he was calmed by Michael’s presence. 

Michael was mere inches from Jeremy’s lips when he hesitated. What was he doing? He couldn’t take advantage of Jeremy like this! What about when he finally remembered? Oh god, he was in deep shit. Why did he ever do this? Jeremy would hate him!

Jeremy closed the distance. He had to know how it felt. He didn’t want Michael feeling like he wasn’t allowed to treat him normally, either. The taller boy should be able to live normally, no matter Jeremy’s condition. Plus, it was nice. 

Michael couldn’t help but gasp as Jeremy’s lips met his. His eyes fluttered closed as his worry instantly flew out of his mind, replaced with thoughts of how soft Jeremy’s lips were, and how perfectly they seemed to fit against his own. Michael’s hand moved from Jeremy’s cheek to his neck, holding him lightly. He knew this was wrong- he should pull away and put an end to this once and for all. But, it was so much better than he had imagined. 

For a moment, Jeremy believed in soulmates. He knew nothing about Michael besides what they’d talked about, but he knew they just _had_ to be perfect for each other. Kissing him was bliss. He figured it was a common thing they did. It seemed to ease his anxious thoughts, anyway. It was soothing and soft, like how Michael looked. His hand was warm on his neck. 

Michael knew it was going to happen. He had felt the agitation in his chest ever since the nurse left the room. He hadn’t thought kissing the guy he’d been in love with for four years would’ve been the thing to tip him over the edge and bring him to tears, though.

Jeremy finally separated their lips, leaving only inches in between. “Are you okay?” he asked, hesitantly running his thumb over Michael’s cheek, wiping a tear. 

Michael gulped, embarrassed. “Yeah it’s just, uh,” he sniffled, smiling timidly. “Been a while.”

Jeremy nodded absently. A month was a long time. He felt awful. “I don’t think I can apologize enough.”

Michael let out a watery laugh. “You don’t need to apologise at all.” He pulled him into a hug against his better judgement, burying his face in his shoulder. He mumbled into it, words too soft to be heard.

Jeremy found himself smiling fondly. This was definitely how it should be. “Did you say something?”

Michael just hummed noncommittally. Jeremy didn’t need to know that he had just said that he loves him.

“Okay,” Jeremy murmured to himself. He hugged Michael back, intoxicated by how perfect it felt. There was no doubt that this was their lives. 

Michael couldn't do this. It hadn't even been a day and the guilt was already eating him alive. He couldn't allow this to go on. Jeremy deserved the truth. “Jeremy,” Michael mumbled, bracing himself for the fallout.

Jeremy pulled away from Michael, grinning sweetly at him. “Yeah?” he asked innocently. His eyes were wide and hopeful. He hadn’t been this happy in a long time. 

Michael took one look at Jeremy's face and he cracked. “I love you.” _Fuck_ what was wrong with him?!

Jeremy’s face softened even more. “I’m sure I love you too,” he squeaked, a little embarrassed. 

Michael's face burned as he smiled. “K-Kiss?” What the fuck was he doing?!

Jeremy averted his eyes in embarrassment. “Sure, why not?” 

Michael leaned forward again, kissing Jeremy a bit harder than before.

Jeremy was convinced this was how things were meant to be. They moved so in _sync_. He couldn’t believe he could forget someone so obviously important to him. He felt inexperienced, and he didn’t know who usually led their kisses, so he let Michael take the lead.

Michael kept the kiss simple, not trying to press too far. He didn't hear the door to the hospital room open.

Jeremy pulled away happily, eyes glancing toward the door. “Dad!” 

Michael spun around, eyes wide. “Hey, Mr. Heere!” 

Mr. Heere was smirking, arms crossed where he stood in the doorway. “About time.”

Jeremy’s eyes fell. “Yeah, a-a month is pretty long, huh?” Was his dad wearing pants?

Michael cut in. “We’re ba-ack together! After, uh- y’know!” Fuck. 

Mr. Heere quirked an eyebrow. “Oh? But it’s been-”

Michael jumped in again, loudly. “Four Months, I know! We had a- fight! I was in the wrong, obviously.” He laughed awkwardly. “We’re fine now.”

Mr. Heere eyed the pair of them. “Are you planning to continue with your rude behavior?” The question was directed to Jeremy.

Jeremy remembered his argument with his father and how he’d been more rude to him the longer he’d had the SQUIP. His face fell. “N-No,” he promised. “I’m really sorry, dad.” Why was Michael being so weird? Was he always this jumpy?

Mr. Heere smiled finally. “Well then I'm fine with it. Good for you boys. I would say to treat him good, but I'm sure you already know that, huh, Mikey?” 

Michael smiled timidly. “Yeah. Thanks?”

“Hey, he really does like you!” Jeremy beamed. 

Michael scoffed, turning to look at him with a pout. “Well, yeah! Did you think he wouldn’t? How rude. I’m likeable!”

“I was just making an observation!” Jeremy defended. He returned the pout easily. 

Mr. Heere watched on amusedly, smiling fondly. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. Both of you. Although we are _definitely_ going to have a talk about how all of this happened, young man. Just, maybe not today since you just woke up from a weird not-coma. Why don’t we go home and get you settled back in?”

Jeremy looked at his feet. He didn’t know what he would tell his dad. How could he tell the truth? It wouldn’t be believable, but he also didn’t want to lie. He’d figure it out later. “Can Michael come?” he asked quietly. 

Jeremy’s dad snorted. “Is that even a question? I don’t think he’d listen even if I said no, anyway. You two have always been close but he’s been stuck to you like glue lately. Hell, he’d probably just sneak in anyway. So, yeah, Michael can come. But you two don’t get _too_ rowdy, okay?”

Jeremy nodded, his smile returning. “Yeah, fine– Wait. He would sneak in?” He turned to Michael. “You would sneak in?”

Michael just shrugged. “I mean, probably.”

Mr. Heere rolled his eyes. “You two go ahead and get out of here while I finish up the paperwork. I’m sure the two of you can’t wait to get a change of scenery.”

Jeremy shrugged sheepishly. “I guess.” Everything Michael said made the two of them seem even closer. 

Michael got to his feet, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Yeah, uh, I’ll drive him home. I mean, obviously. Since you just said to. Uh, yeah. Okay, Come on Jere, let’s go!” Michael pulled at Jeremy’s hand coaxingly, blushing at his awkward rambling.

Jeremy squeezed Michael’s hand. “See you at home, dad?”

Mr. Heere waved him off. “Yeah, Yeah. Now get outta here, you lovebirds. Before I change my mind about the amount of freedom I’m allowing the two of you.”

Michael held a hand up to his head in a mock salute. “Yes sir,” He joked, smiling dumbly.

Jeremy’s dad saluted back. “At ease, soldiers.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Let’s go,” he said, taking the lead and pulling Michael into the hallway before his dad could embarrass him any further. 

Michael chuckled at the speed Jeremy pulled him out of the room. He pulled him back, walking beside him as he directed them to the hospital exit. “So, Mario Kart?”

“So I can prove I’m the best at it?” Jeremy teased. 

Michael laughed, smiling easily. “So that you can get your ass beat by the master!”

“Didn’t know I was racing myself.” Jeremy splashed in a puddle as soon as they got outside. “By the way, I’m, like, extremely hungry.”

Michael snorted, avoiding the puddle easily. “Yeah, no kidding. You’ve been surviving off of weird coma patient food for a month. You wanna hit up Mcdonalds or something? My treat.”

“Hell yeah! Ten piece chicken McNugget meal here I come!” Jeremy jumped in another puddle. 

Michael chuckled fondly. God, he was glad Jeremy was back. He really had missed him a lot. He unlocked the doors when they finally reached his car, allowing them both to climb in easily. Michael fell into the familiar rhythm that they used to have without even thinking. 

Jeremy put his seatbelt on. “You have a shitty car,” he commented, still smiley and bouncing. 

Michael scoffed, rolling his eyes with a smile. “At least I _have_ a car, nerd.” He started up the engine, pulling out of the parking lot.

“I get that I’m a shitty driver, but my dad’s car is much nicer than this.” Jeremy picked at the lining on the door. 

“Don’t listen to him, baby,” Michael cooed at the car, rubbing the dashboard affectionately. “He’s just jealous.”

“Only mildly!”

Michael smiled, blushing lightly at the admission. “Don't worry, Jerm. I only have eyes for one guy. Dunno if you know him- he’s pale, skinny, adorable. Prone to getting himself off while on the phone at 2 am?”

“Are those really the only qualities you like about me?” Jeremy’s tone was joking, but his question was serious. He also rolled his eyes at the mention of his apparent phone habits. 

Michael’s teasing smirk shifted into a soft smile as his mind wandered onto that particular topic. “Oh, of course not. Those are just the most _recognizable_. You see, I like _a lot_ of his qualities. Could go on for hours, really. I like how easy he is to talk to, the amazing sense of humor, the stubbornness, the way his eyes scrunch up when he laughs or smiles real big…” Michael had started drifting off in his thoughts, not paying attention to how he was still talking. “I love his voice, how cute it is when he gets embarrassed or worked up and it gets all cracky. I love how he's always been there for me, and how open he is when it's just us. I love the way his eyes light up when he's happy or excited. I love… him.” Michael finally drifted off, a wistful smile lingering on his lips.

Jeremy had been staring at Michael as he listed off the things he loved about him. His eyes were soft and his expression longing, an ever growing smile on his lips. “Wow,” he marveled. “That’s– You’re– God,” he squeaked, at a loss for words. “You’re just perfect, aren’t you?” There was no way they couldn’t be soulmates, he decided. 

Michael jolted has he was pulled out of his thoughts, his face absolutely burning. “Oh, N-No, I'm not– I’m just-” he broke off into an embarrassed laugh. “I'm definitely not perfect, Jere.” Especially with how he had tricked his best friend into thinking they were together just because he wanted to be with him. 

Jeremy scoffed. “I have high standards, and you meet them all. You’re perfect.” He nodded. “Definitely perfect.”

Michael's heart twisted. Why couldn't Jeremy have thought that before all of this? This wasn't _right_. Michael was manipulating him! “I wouldn't bank on it, buddy.”

“I would,” Jeremy said. “Only perfect people buy their boyfriends McDonalds after they wake up from some kind of month long anti coma.”

Michael did laugh at that. “Those standards don't _sound_ very high, Jerm.” Michael hated how his heart fluttered when Jeremy said 'boyfriend’.

“Well, you’re the only one who meets them either way.” Jeremy huffed. 

Michael smiled numbly. “So it seems.” He was the worst.

Jeremy bit his lip as they pulled behind another car at the drive through. “C-Can I kiss you?” He really wasn’t sure how this worked. 

Michael felt his breath hitch as he looked over at Jeremy in surprise. He nodded. “O-Of course.”

Jeremy smiled. This was definitely right. He slowly and unsurely leaned to his left, placing his lips on Michael’s awkwardly. 

Michael cautiously returned the kiss, pressing back with equal force as his eyes fell closed. Kissing Jeremy made his head spin and his heart flip in the best kind of way.

Jeremy kissed Michael as sweetly as he could, trying to assure him that he did indeed think of him as perfect, despite the obvious issues in the situation. He reached across the console and grabbed Michael’s hand. 

Michael instantly threaded their fingers together, tilting his head for a better angle. The way Jeremy was currently kissing him had all but taken his breath away.

A honk from the car behind them scared Jeremy as he jolted backward. “U-Uh, we should move up,” he said, shaking. 

Michael's eyes lingered on Jeremy for a second more before he reluctantly turned away, moving their car up in the line. “Thanks,” he muttered, unsure what to say.

Jeremy coughed. He didn’t want to push his luck and try to kiss him again. Although it was the nicest sensation he could remember having, he still felt like he was kissing a stranger. He hoped video games would change that. 

Michael's heart continued to race even as he ordered their food- reciting Jeremy's order with practiced ease- pulled up, paid, and collected it before starting the drive home. Their fingers were still linked, and it was all Michael could think about.

Jeremy didn’t stop smiling the whole time. He was eager to learn more about Michael and, if his memories really didn’t come back, fall in love with him again. He tried to turn on the radio. 

Michael hummed as he watched Jeremy fiddle with the radio. “You might want to change it off of CD mode. I'm pretty sure the last thing we had in there was your copy of Britney's greatest hits.”

Jeremy sputtered. “Wh- N- I- You’re lying,” he accused for the third time that afternoon. 

Michael shot him a look before turning the volume dial up, allowing 'Toxic’ to blare through the car speakers. “Guess again, buttercup.”

Jeremy turned red, but held his ground. “There’s no proof it’s my CD!” he exclaimed over the music. 

Michael snorted, flipping open the console to pull out the CD case that was resting on top of a stack of others. He held it up. It was for the disk currently in the player, and in the top corner 'Jeremy Heere’ was written in neat sharpie. Jeremy's own handwriting. “You write your name on all of yours so that we know whose is whose.”

Jeremy was shocked. Why wouldn’t he remember _that_? “I-It’s ironic, right? I don’t actually l-like that, do I?” He felt like his life was a lie. 

Michael shot him another look. “Jere, we both already know the answer to that. You fucking _jam_ to this. You say it makes you feel powerful.”

“Let me feel powerful in peace!” Jeremy squealed. 

Michael chuckled, rubbing Jeremy's hand with his thumb. “Of course.”

Jeremy found himself grinning again. Michael had that effect. “You’re really pretty. Wait, was that too sudden? I’m sorry.”

Michael squeaked in embarrassment. “Oh! N-No, I mean- thanks.” Michael was very rarely complimented on his looks. Receiving the compliment from Jeremy just made it all the more flustering. “Y-You are too.”

Jeremy dismissed the compliment with a wave of his hand. “Your skin is so smooth. How do you do that?”

Michael blinked, shrugging. “I moisturize, I guess?”

Jeremy huffed. “I’ve tried everything.”

Michael hummed. “I like your acne. It's endearing. And cute.”

“That’s gross, dude,” Jeremy laughed, eyes crinkling. 

Michael smiled happily. “Whatever,” he dismissed. “I still think you're pretty.”

“All those things you said about me,” Jeremy started, “Were those really true?”

Michael didn't even need to think. “Absolutely.”

Jeremy dropped the fry he was holding. “I-I’m sorry I can’t remember you,” he said, voice small and shaky, tears suddenly welling up in his eyes. 

Michael's eyes widened in alarm. “Hey! No, it's okay! It's not your fault. Please don't cry,” Michael knew that if Jeremy cried, he would probably end up crying, and god damn it they were only five minutes away from the house!

Jeremy couldn’t hold it in. He broke down into sobs. “I-I’m sorry, I-I just c-can’t imagine being s-so close to someone a-and then getting a-abandoned and j-just when it’s o-over, they can’t even–” He let out a choking noise. “They don’t even know who you are!”

Michael's heart panged, a low ache settling in his chest. “Jeremy,” he mumbled, squeezing his hand. “I–” Jeremy was right about that- it felt fucking awful. “It's not like you had a choice,” he reasoned. “I mean, you're here now, right? We're back together again, just like old times. That's all that's important.”

Jeremy sniffled. “O-Old times,” he echoed. “Right.” It would be nice if he knew some old times. He felt like a dick. 

Michael frowned. “H-How about you ask me questions about us? Maybe it'll help.. jog your memory?”

“Uh, y-yeah.” Jeremy wiped his eyes and sat up straighter. “Um– What was our first date?”

Shit. Think, Michael. “Our first date? Ah,” he cleared his throat. “Well, it's, uh, kinda weird, really. We, um, we went to a carnival?” Fuck. This was something that they had actually done, but it wasn't really a _date_. Unless, it was? Shit. “It honestly kinda sucked. Those damn carnies played us so hard. We were almost completely broke when we left. And the stuffed animal I won you was shitty. But then, after we left, we both felt sucky so we went to McDonald's and I bought you fries and a smoothie at, like, 11 pm. In the end it was a nice night, I think. Anything would be nice as long as it's with you, though.”

Jeremy’s tears had stopped, but he still sniffled. “That sounds really fantastic,” he said softly. “McDonald’s is always better late at night. Do I still have that stuffed animal? Maybe you can show it to me at my house…?”

Michael smiled. “Yeah, sure. I'm pretty sure it's hanging around in your room somewhere.” It was. Michael always saw it. He pulled into Jeremy's driveway. “We're here, funnily enough.”

“Oh! We are! Can I ask more questions though?” Jeremy posed shyly. He didn’t want to seem intrusive, even given the subject matter. 

Michael chuckled, nodding. “Of course.”

“C-cool,” Jeremy muttered, already hopping out of the car. 

Michael followed suit, stretching out his legs. “You can always ask me anything, buddy.” He pushed open the door, stepping aside to let Jeremy inside.

Jeremy nodded and bolted up the stairs, only dropping one fry as he tried to eat as he ran. He couldn’t wait to hang out and learn more about Michael and his relationship with him. 

Michael laughed, following closely behind. Once they were in Jeremy's room, he closed the door behind them, and then wandered over to the bed to sit down as Jeremy ate.

Jeremy took his sweet time eating his nuggets despite the agonizing hunger he’d been feeling. Finally, he thought of another question. “Uh- This might be a little weird, but– You said we’d...done stuff? But we’re virgins?” His voice cracked. “What, um– What did we–” He couldn’t even finish the question. 

Michael blushed for the thousandth time. Oh. What had he imagined that was most probable? “H-Hands. And mouths. And just- y-y’know, gr-grinding.” He was going to explode.

Jeremy was already redder than ever. “O-oh,” he said as if he were expecting something totally different, but he wasn’t. “G-great.” This virtual stranger had seen his– Jeremy blinked. “A-Am I good at it?” He had to ask. 

Michael gulped. “Yes. You're- You're amazing.”

Jeremy squeaked. “Th-Thanks,” he said, for lack of something better. He shouldn’t have asked those things, but his curiosity got the better of him, and he’d gone months without his normal morning routine. 

Michael nodded. He shifted closer to Jeremy, having to lean across him as he reached over to grab something from where it was resting at the head of the bed.

Jeremy’s eyes widened as Michael draped himself over his lap. He blinked again, getting his mind out of the gutter. “Wh-What are you doing?”

Michael pulled back, blinking, a shoddy stuffed dog in hand. “You wanted to see this, remember?”

Jeremy gasped. “I did! That’s the cutest dog I’ve ever seen!” He made grabby hands for it.

Michael laughed. “It looks cute, yeah, but it _feels_ terrible.” He handed it over. “I think they used styrofoam.”

“It’s soft!” Jeremy instantly hugged it to his cheek. “Why are you so mean to it?”

Michael hummed, smiling fondly. “You're cute.” Michael's hand fell down to rest on Jeremy's knee without him noticing.

Jeremy scoffed, his free hand absently moving down to sit on Michael’s. “You’re cute, too.” He meant it. Michael was a snack. 

Michael leaned over to press a kiss to Jeremy's cheek, his hand moving up slightly as he shifted.

Jeremy didn’t notice. “Your lips are so soft. Have I ever told you that before?”

Michael hummed. “You may have mentioned it.”

Jeremy smiled. “You needed to hear it again anyway. Have I ever told you that your hair’s soft too?” He didn’t know when he’d put the dog down or when his hand reached up into Michael’s hair, but it was interesting. 

Michael chuckled. “Yes, you have. Many times.” Michael pressed a kiss to the corner of Jeremy's mouth.

Jeremy giggled. “I must repeat myself a lot in times of passion, huh?”

Michael smiled. “We could always find out, huh?” He stayed close to Jeremy's lips, his hand inching up farther.

Jeremy made no effort to move away. “Wh-While I can’t r-remember anything?” He knew that was a little exaggerated, but still. 

“Maybe it'll jog your memory.” More like this is probably Michael's only chance. How fucked up could he get? Michael grimaced. “Wait, N-No, you're right. I can't- I shouldn't take advantage of you like this, I’m sorry.” Michael backed up slightly. What was he doing? This was so far from okay.

Jeremy gulped. “I-If it’ll h-help you feel n-normal,” he rationalized, his voice small and weak. 

Michael bit his lip, his free hand coming up to Jeremy’s cheek. “This isn't about me, Jere.”.

Jeremy flushed a little. “I-It should be. I owe you, don’t I?”

Michael frowned. “You don't _owe_ me anything, Jere. This is about you and what you want.”

“I don’t _know_ what I want,” Jeremy admitted. “I don’t know anything.”

Michael softened, pulling Jeremy into a hug. “That's okay. We can just play games and that's more than enough for me. I want you to be happy. And comfortable.”

Jeremy was stiff. “Can we play M-Mario Kart?”

Michael nodded. “Of course we can.” He pulled away, standing up from the bed and shuffling over to Jeremy’s TV and bean bags. He knelt down, flicking through the cases until he found the right one, then sticking it into the machine as he turned everything on.

Jeremy slowly made his way to the bean bags, sitting himself down on one. “I’m gonna win,” he said, breaking the silence. 

Michael tossed him his controller, dropping himself down onto the other bean bag. “Whatever you say, Casanova.”

Jeremy scoffed. “I am! You’ll see.”

\--------

Jeremy lost. 

“What the fuck?!” Jeremy threw down his controller. “That’s not fair!”

Michael laughed maniacally. “Are you rage quitting after one game of Mario Kart?”

“I just got out of the hospital! You’re supposed to let me win!” Jeremy pouted, crossing his arms. “I mean I know I nearly destroyed the school, but let me win Mario Kart!”

Michael laughed again. “I had to prove myself! We can play again, you always beat me on rainbow road.”

“There’s no way I beat you on rainbow road,” Jeremy whined. “I can’t even win the easiest track!”

“You'd be surprised. Rainbow road is like.. your super power.”

“Super power? Me?”

Michael nodded. “You're a gay Mario god.”

“Bring it on,” Jeremy said, challenge suddenly back in his eyes. 

Michael grinned, selecting the level. He was shit at rainbow road. Jeremy won easily.

“I just had to get in the groove, see? I told you I’d win!” Jeremy was grinning. 

Michael gave him a faux groan. “I've been bested!”

“I knew I was the best. I’m superior!” Jeremy laughed. It felt nice. 

Michael bowed dramatically. “My god, here to be worshipped.”

“What else would I be here for?”

Michael shrugged. “Being hot?”

Jeremy instantly blushed. “I– N-no…”

Michael sounded absolute. “Yes,” he said simply. “And being amazing. And cute. And funny, and nice, and pretty, and caring.” 

“Michael, really, y-you don’t have to say those things.” Jeremy thought about it. Did Michael usually flood him with compliments like this?

Michael smiled crookedly. “I do. I have a lot of built up things I need to tell you.”

“W-Well, if it’ll make you feel better, g-go ahead.”

Michael scrunched up his nose. “Nah, I gotta wait till you’re off guard so that I get to see your adorably embarrassed surprised face.”

Jeremy’s blush deepened, but his face turned somber. “I wish I could return the favor,” he murmured. 

Michael’s smile faltered only for a second before he was back to normal. “Ah. It’s strange, somehow I keep forgetting.” He laughed awkwardly. “It’s okay, Jere. I believe that one day you’ll remember. And if not? We can make new memories. It’ll be okay.”

Jeremy was close to tears again. “A-Are you sure? I don’t think I could ever forgive this if I were you.”

Michael’s chest twisted painfully. “Jeremy,” he started. “I’ll never hold anything against you like that. I- I love you, and I just want you to be happy. That’s all that matters.”

Jeremy looked down. Then, he leaned over and placed an innocently sweet kiss to Michael’s lips. “O-Okay,” he said. He couldn’t argue with something like that. It would be bad taste. 

Michael smiled back, grabbing Jeremy’s hand and lifting it up to his lips, kissing the knuckles. 

Jeremy felt himself blush. “You’re really cute,” he muttered. 

Michael grinned, kissing Jeremy’s cheek. “Not as cute as you,” he promised.

Jeremy looked away in embarrassment. “I mean it though, I’m glad you’re my boyfriend.”

Michael’s smile almost faltered. “Me too. I’m glad you’ll have me.”

Jeremy nodded, smiling. “I always will, I think.” 

Michael shifted closer to Jeremy automatically. “Good. Then I’m happy,” he promised.

“That’s all I want,” Jeremy found himself saying. It must be true. Maybe his memories were coming back. 

Michael sighed, leaning back in his bean bag. “Then everything is fine.”

“Right,” Jeremy said, settling back in his own chair. “Guess so.”

Michael turned to look at Jeremy again. “You good?”

“I think so,” Jeremy mumbled. 

Michael gave him a half smile. “What do you want to do?”

“What do we usually do? A-After video games?”

Michael shrugged. “Get stoned?”

“Like...marijuana…?” Jeremy was surprised. 

Michael blinked. “Yes? Weed?”

“We do that?” Jeremy squeaked. 

Michael nodded dumbly. “Uh.. yeah? It was your idea first, honestly.”

“It was?!” Jeremy must have been missing more than he’d thought. He definitely didn’t remember being a stoner. 

“Yes! 'let’s go find weed, Micah’, 'getting high is cool, Micah’, you talked about it for weeks!”

“Me?!” Jeremy was unbelievably confused. “Are you kidding?”

“No!” Michael reaffirmed. “You used those damn puppy eyes so many times I almost died!”

Jeremy nodded. “I do have pretty good puppy eyes.”

Michael scoffed. “I know!”

Jeremy huffed. “I guess you could be right,” he muttered. 

“I am!”

“So then...let’s get stoned?” Jeremy uptalked.

Michael snorted, rolling his eyes. “We don't have to if you're uncomfortable, Jerm.”

“I wanna do it!” Jeremy exclaimed. “I wanna be as me as I can. Please?”

Michael bit his lip, eyeing Jeremy. “Alright, sure. You get a towel to put in the door so that the smell doesn't get out, I’ll roll.”

————

Jeremy eyed the joint in Michael’s hand. “How does this work?”

Michael hummed, grabbing his lighter from the floor. “We can shotgun it like we used to, since you can't remember.”

“Shotgun?” Jeremy asked in confusion. 

Michael nodded. “I’ll show you.” Michael lit up the joint, taking a couple quick puffs and holding the smoke in his lungs as he carefully set the joint down in their ashtray. He turned to Jeremy, leaning in close until their lips connected so that he could exhale a slow, steady stream of smoke into the other boy's mouth.

Jeremy’s eyes widened as his lungs filled up, burning a little. He only didn’t move away because it was sort of a kiss, and he had decided that he really liked Michael’s kisses. He tried to breathe out through his nose. 

Michael hummed, pulling away. “Hold it in your lungs for a second and then breathe out.”

Jeremy tried to do as he was told, only coughing once. It didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would. “W-wow,” he marveled. 

Michael smiled. “There ya go, now you're getting it.”

Jeremy smiled, too. “How much ‘til I’m high?”

Michael shrugged. “About two hits and five minutes.” Michael took another hit, letting it sit for as long as he could before he pressed their lips together again. 

Jeremy inhaled better this time, pulling away when it got too much. He repeated his earlier actions and was surprised at the smoke that came from his lips. “Look! That’s so cool! Again!” 

Michael laughed, complying. His eyes fell closed as they repeated the familiar action.

It wasn’t long before Jeremy felt floaty. He giggled. “I like being high,” he said with a certain lilt to his voice and not a care in his mind. 

Michael chuckled, taking another hit. “I know you do.”

“Smells like shit though,” Jeremy complained, giggling again. 

Michael nodded. “Stank ass leaf.”

Jeremy sighed. “Gross.” He looked up and grinned at Michael. “You’re really soft.”

Michael grinned back. “You're really good.”

Jeremy’s eyes sparkled behind their redness. “Is it true love if all it took was an afternoon to make me fall in love with you?” He paused. “Again?” he added. 

Michael's breath hitched as he stared back, smiling stupidly. “I love you so much, Miah.”

Jeremy giggled. “I like that nickname. It’s soft like you.”

Michael blushed. “Kiss me?”

Jeremy instantly nodded dopily, leaning forward to place a messy, intoxicated kiss on Michael’s lips. 

Michael reciprocated as best he could, letting out a soft pleased hum. His hand somehow found its way into Jeremy's hair as he leaned closer.

This kiss felt different than the others to Jeremy. Maybe it was the weed. It felt airy and light. He loved Michael’s hand in his hair. He loved everything Michael did, really. A quiet whimper escaped his throat, but he was too far gone to care. 

Michael felt himself shudder slightly at the noise Jeremy made. He _really_ wanted to hear more sounds like that. He cautiously opened his mouth under Jeremy's, testing out the waters.

Jeremy reluctantly parted his lips as well, letting Michael do what he wished. 

Michael didn't want to push past what Jeremy was comfortable with, but he also wasn't sure _what_ Jeremy was comfortable with. So, reluctantly, he pulled away, intending to take another hit.

Jeremy frowned. He wasn’t ready to stop. He used a rare moment of confidence to grab the joint and hold it away from Michael. “Kiss,” he ordered. 

Michael blinked in surprise. Then his lips curled into a smile as he nodded, leaning over to kiss him once again. He grabbed the joint back from Jeremy, pulling away from the kiss only to take a quick hit before their lips were back together, the smoke curling between their lips and through their lungs hazily.

The situation caused Jeremy to whine again, a soft but desperate noise. Maybe he shouldn’t have told Michael no earlier. 

Michael grunted slightly, pulling away to set the joint down safely in the ashtray- taking one last big hit- and then shifting his bean bag closer, reconnecting their lips happily. He parted his lips again, allowing the smoke and haze to engulf them.

Jeremy’s sounds didn’t stop. He let his hand travel up Michael’s arm to his hair, resting in a loose fist around the soft locks. The weed smelled awful, but he didn’t care anymore. 

Michael's fingers shifted down to Jeremy's hips as he edged closer, slipping onto Jeremy's bean bag with him. He snaked his tongue out curiously, swiping along Jeremy's bottom lip before retreating once again.

Jeremy’s tongue instantly chased Michael’s into the other boy’s mouth. He blamed it on muscle memory. The two of them must do this a lot. 

Michael let out a soft breathy sound as Jeremy's tongue found his own. Michael's fingers pressed harder into Jeremy's hips, one hand moving to fidget lightly with the hem of Jeremy's shirt.

Jeremy grunted, pulling himself away from Michael so he could slip his shirt off in one quick motion. 

Michael froze, eyes glued to Jeremy's chest. “Woah,” he breathed. Since when was he so in shape? Michael hesitantly reached out, fingers ghosting over the pale skin. “Hot,” he muttered, not paying attention.

Jeremy blushed, almost shuddering at the ghost of a touch. “Th-the SQUIP made me do, uh, exercise,” he explained weakly. His high told him not to worry about the computer right now, like he had been since he woke up, in the back of his head. He was safe with Michael. 

Michael frowned slightly, looking up to meet Jeremy's eyes. “Are you okay?” His palm rested over Jeremy's heart.

Jeremy smiled. “I think so,” he murmured. He let his hand rest on Michael’s knee. 

Michael gave him a reassuring half smile. “We don't have to go any further. I know this is probably a lot for you.”

“I-It is,” Jeremy admitted. “But I want to help with that.” He had his eyes fixated on Michael’s crotch. 

Michael blushed, shifting his legs to hide himself. “You don't have to,” he mumbled, embarrassed by how easily he had gotten worked up.

Jeremy kept his gaze unwavering. “No, I want to.”

Michael gulped. “Y-You do?” Holy shit.

Jeremy bit his lip. “Why not? It’s nothing we haven’t done before.”

Michael's cheeks darkened further. “It- it kind of is, in a way, right?”

Jeremy avoided Michael’s eyes. “I want this to be as normal as it can, Michael,” he whispered. “Is this not our normal?”

Michael hooked a finger under Jeremy's chin, bringing his gaze back to Michael's. “I want you to be comfortable. You don't have to force yourself to do things that you don't want just because it's 'normal’.”

“It’s not forcing. I-I really do want to. You’re really hot and so nice to me and– Just let me suck you off.” Jeremy was impatient. 

Michael squeaked at Jeremy's bluntness. He flustered, stammering slightly. “Ah- Uh- O-Okay. If you're s-sure, then– Okay.” Michael nodded, shifting in his seat again.

————

Jeremy immediately had fallen asleep. He lay on the bean bag, head in Michael’s lap, exhausted. He’d really tried to go all out for his boyfriend. 

Michael ran his fingers through Jeremy's hair, smiling softly as he watched the boy's sleeping expressions. Things had gotten a bit… intense, in the heat of the moment, but now the two of them were sated and feeling the fuzzy warmth of afterglow. Michael was so goddamn in love with Jeremy.

Jeremy didn’t get to sleep for very long. There was a knock on his bedroom door. 

Michael jolted, glad he had elected to pull his pants back up before Jeremy passed out. He shook Jeremy lightly. “Jere.”

Jeremy groaned. It felt like he’d been asleep ages. “What?”

“Your dad is at the door,” Michael said, smile evident in his voice.

“Oh gross,” Jeremy grumbled, pushing himself up to his feet. At least he’d put his shirt back on. He trudged to the door. 

Michael laughed, relaxing farther into the bean bag. “Hey, Mr. Heere!” He called through the door. There was a muffled response back.

Jeremy finally plopped himself down next to Michael again. “Jake and Rich are coming,” he said, staring straight ahead. 

Michael blinked. “Huh?”

“My dad, he said they were coming over. I have no idea how...they contacted him. Or why they care,” Jeremy muttered. 

Michael already felt his heart rate increasing. “Should I go?”

Jeremy looked at him. “What? Why would you go? Don’t go.” He paused. “I don’t think my dad even noticed the weed when he opened the door.”

Michael jolted. “Shit, I didn't even think about that. Are we still high? Fuck, whatever. I just wasn't sure if you wanted me hanging around at the same time as them.”

Jeremy waved off the topic of the pot. “Of course I do. You said they support us, huh? And I think Rich might be different. I dunno. He had that computer in his head for two years. Maybe he’s nice!” He thought back to his time with the popular kids. Rich was pushy, and Jake had nearly killed him on Halloween. Maybe they changed. 

Michael bit his lip. “Are you sure? I wasn't exactly… friends of theirs, you know. They bullied us for two years.”

“Maybe they’re nice,” Jeremy repeated. “Why else would they visit? I just woke up after a _month_.”

Michael nodded, albeit hesitantly. “I guess you're right. They can't be so bad.”

“I’ll kick ‘em out if you’re uncomfortable! No hesitation!” Jeremy promised. He was truthfully eager to see if Rich and Jake had changed at all. He hoped so. 

Michael smiled, laughing slightly. “Okay. I’ll hold you to that.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you!”

Michael hummed. “Will you kiss me instead, then?”

Jeremy blushed, smiling tiredly. He was a little surprised Michael wanted to kiss him after where his mouth had just been, but he leaned forward anyway. 

Michael smiled dopily, leaning forward to meet his lips in a soft, loving kiss. He pulled back. “I love you.”

“Love you more,” Jeremy replied. He really thought he did. He must. Michael was perfect. He could totally see them getting married. 

Michael pecked his lips again in response. “When are they coming?”

Jeremy shifted closer to Michael’s warmth. “Dunno. Soon I guess.”

Michael hummed. “Well, what do you want do until they get here?”

Jeremy sighed. “I _wanted_ to sleep,” he deadpanned. 

Michael snorted. “I mean, you can try.”

“That train has left the station,” Jeremy grumbled. 

Michael chuckled, lightly pulling Jeremy into his lap so that he could hold him closely. “Hug train is still boarding.”

Jeremy relaxed in Michael’s arms. “Can I get on?” He’d thought about it countless times before, but he decided he really, really loved Michael. Their relationship was just so genuine. So true. It seemed like nothing could stop them. 

Michael hummed, burying his face in Jeremy's neck. “Do you have a ticket?”

Jeremy thought for a moment. “Do you take other forms of payment?” Michael’s face fit so _well_ in the crook of his neck. 

Michael hummed again, thoughtfully. “The hug train might be willing to make an exception for you. What payments can you offer?”

“I have a bank account just full of kisses,” Jeremy offered. 

Michael grinned dopily. “The train is interested.”

“Good,” Jeremy said. He leaned back and gave Michael a sweet kiss, his hand running over Michael’s arm. 

Michael accepted if happily, smiling into it. “Love you,” he muttered. He liked being able to say it.

Jeremy let out a breathy laugh. “You too,” he whispered. He knew it had to be true. 

They stayed like that, wrapped up in each other's arms until there was a knock on the door. Michael pouted, not moving to release Jeremy. “Tell 'em to go away.”

It was too late, sadly. Jeremy turned to look toward the door, which was now open, two boys bustling in. Jeremy sighed. Had he not locked that door?

Michael groaned at the intrusion. “Damn it.”

Jake was on crutches, but grinning widely. “Yo, homeslices! Cool room, man!”

Jeremy kept his annoyed expression. “Thanks,” he deadpanned. 

Rich had multiple bandages covering his still fading burns. “Hey, headphones! Sup?! I told ya he’d be up! So, like, what's the deal, anyway? Boyfriend or..?”

Jeremy narrowed his eyes. Didn’t Michael say Rich and Jake knew they were together? “Uh, yeah? Duh?”

Jake whispered something in Rich’s ear. 

Michael grimaced slightly. “What?”

Jake shrugged. “Never seen you two– Nevermind. You do you.”

Jeremy furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Is it abnormal for us to sit like this?” He watched Jake and Rich’s expressions. “I-I kinda have a little, um, amnesia.”

Michael scoffed lightly. “They wouldn't know what was normal for us anyway, remember? The extent of our interactions was limited to harassment and bullying.”

Jeremy nodded. “Yeah, you’re right,” he said, remembering multiple incidents. “So why are you here now?” he asked, directed at Rich. 

Rich rubbed the back of his neck, smiling awkwardly. “We wanted to check up on you. See how you were doing.”

Jeremy tilted his head. “So you’ve decided to be better people?”

Jake was quiet for a while. “Yep!” 

Michael was skeptical. “Great. Well, he's fine. You can go now. We were busy.” He knew he was being rude, but honestly, he was just really tired. He just wanted to sleep with his best friend in his arms.

Jake hummed. “But we came to celebrate, dudes! Get up and entertain us!” 

Jeremy sighed, and that made Jake frown. 

“You don’t _have_ to,” Jake continued. “You can just keep doing whatever you were doing before. Did we walk in on something, man?”

Rich snorted. “Was cuddling really that entertaining?”

Jeremy scoffed. “I like cuddling!” 

Jake held his hands up in surrender. “Fine, fine. What’d you get amnesia for anyway?”

Michael grimaced. “Me.”

“You?” Rich asked, frowning. “What?”

Jeremy sighed. “I-I forgot everything to do with Michael. Which sucks. It really sucks.” 

Jake burst out laughing. “So you forgot that time we walked in on you and Mike here banging in the supply closet?” He nudged Rich to keep the lie going. 

Rich grinned wolfishly. “Or the time we caught you guys trying to whip it out in the bathroom?”

Michael sputtered. 

Jeremy’s eyes were wide. “What the hell are you talking about?!” he squeaked. 

Rich didn't falter. “You guys are freaky, y’know? A shame you can't remember.”

Jeremy blinked a million times in about three seconds. “Michael!” he squeaked. “You said we were _virgins_!”

Michael squeaked, gaping at Jeremy with wide eyes, trying to figure out how to save this situation. “Wh- I- We–”

Rich quirked an eyebrow. “You guys are still virgins? Really?”

Jake snickered. “We were just kidding anyway, dudes.”

Jeremy scoffed, ignoring Rich’s comment all together. “Why would you– Shit, why would you lie to someone with _amnesia_?! That’s fucked up!”

Michael almost cracked right there. “Jesus Christ.”

Jake held up his hands. “Hey, sorry, but that was hilarious.”

Jeremy grumbled. “Don’t lie to me,” he said. 

Michael gulped.

Rich held up his hands in surrender. “Sorry, Jere-Bear. Not more lies.”

“Only Michael can call me that,” Jeremy snapped. He didn’t know why he felt so powerful now against his past tormentors. Probably a combination of their attempts to better themselves and their shared experiences with the SQUIP. 

Rich blinked in surprise. “My bad. I'll still to Jerry, then.” He snorted. “Do you want us to go, Jeremy? We can talk at school, if you want to get back to,” he gestured to Michael.

Jeremy scoffed again. “I kinda would like to have some time alone with my boyfriend, thanks.”

Rich nodded, ushering Jake out of the room. “Don't have too much fun, kids!”

Jake winked before he was out of sight. 

Jeremy shut and locked the door. “Oh my fucking god.”

Michael nodded solemnly. “Yeah.”

“Why _today_?”

Michael sighed heavily. He felt incredibly shitty. He stood from the bean bag, shuffling over to collapse face first onto Jeremy's bed. “God knows.”

“At least they’re gone now.” Jeremy walked over nonchalantly and sat beside Michael’s new location. “What’s wrong?”

Michael was a terrible person who was lying in the worst possible way. “Sleepy?”

Jeremy nodded. “Yeah, a little.” He scooted up on the bed and lay down. 

Michael hummed. “We can take a nap, if you want.”

Jeremy smiled. “I do want that.” 

Michael hummed, pulling back the covers. 

Jeremy climbed in. “Hope I don’t dream about filthy liars,” he joked. 

Michael laughed awkwardly. “Yeah,” he whispered, pulling Jeremy close. He had to tell him. Soon.

Jeremy snuggled back into Michael. He really loved his boyfriend. 

Michael kissed the top of Jeremy's head, breathing in his scent. “I love you,” he whispered. This might be the last time he gets to say that. He had to tell Jeremy when he woke up.

“You too,” Jeremy said, closing his eyes happily. 

Michael followed suit, his mind racing as he contemplated what Jeremy's reaction to Michael telling him would be. Nothing good.

“Thanks for being here,” Jeremy whispered, drifting off. 

Michael held Jeremy tighter. “I'll always be here,” he responded, even though he doubted Jeremy actually heard him.

————

When Jeremy woke up, everything felt different. He immediately shook Michael. 

Michael hummed, burrowing deeper into the blankets. “Hm?”

Jeremy didn’t stop. “Wake up.”

Michael grumbled. “Why?”

“I think we need to talk.”

Michael instantly froze. That didn't sound good. He sat up. “Wh-what?”

“I said we need to talk.”

Michael already felt a lump in his throat. “About?”

“Us.”

Michael pulled his knees to his chest protectively, moving himself away slightly. “Shit.”

“I think I remember now,” Jeremy croaked. “Meeting in kindergarten, making the school let us have the same second grade teacher, sleepovers, that– that Weird Al concert, I remember it all.”

Michael felt the tears welling in his eyes. “I'm so sorry.”

Jeremy continued. “Yeah, uh, the only thing I don’t remember is being your boyfriend.”

Michael shrunk into himself farther. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Jeremy, I'm sorry, I was going to tell you when we woke up, I'm sorry,” he was crying already, what a lame ass.

Jeremy felt tears in his own eyes. “Wh-Why did you lie to me, Michael? To get back at me for abandoning you? Th-That was more than fucked up, and I’m so sorry, but this– this is fucked up too, man.”

Michael shook his head, sniffling and wiping at his eyes. “N-No, I– I don't care about that, I j-just–” his voice cracked as he sniffled again. “I j-just wanted to know what it would b-be like if you… if you liked me b-back.” He gulped. “I'm sorry.”

Jeremy scoffed. “You– Michael, I do like you, do you think all of that was faked? You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to– You didn’t have to _trick_ me. Just use words like a normal fucking human being.”

Michael's tears fell faster. “I'm so sorry, I– I’m scared. You don't- you can't love me, Jeremy, You like Christine, remember?”

“Not really! Have you ever heard of a cover?! What do you think I was jacking off to during our phone calls, Michael?!” Jeremy was raising his voice, anger setting in. Sure, he loved Michael, but this was a shitty thing to do. If he didn’t care so much about his best friend, he could probably file for sexual assault, given what they’d gotten up to.

Michael sniffled again, sobbing softly. “I'm so sorry,” he couldn't think, too upset to realize what Jeremy was saying. 

“You’re not allowed to be upset right now!” Jeremy exclaimed. Maybe that was a little too much, though. “Stop crying! You’re the one who fucked up this time!” He huffed, and when Michael didn’t stop, he did the only thing he could think of to get his attention. He leaned over and kissed him hard, pouring out his anger. 

Michael let out a surprised noise at the kiss, pulling away quickly. “Wh-What are you doing?! I don't– I fucked everything up, Jeremy! I did something super shitty and I knew it and I did it anyway but you're still kissing me and I don't _understand_ and–” Michael broke off into another sob, his hands coming up to cover his face. 

Jeremy groaned. “Calm down! Sure, you did something awful, but so did I! Look, we’re even, okay? Just please stop crying!” He always found it hard to stay mad at Michael. He remembered that now. 

Michael scrubbed at his eyes. “I'm a horrible person.” Jeremy's still harsh tone made him shake.

There was too much going on for Jeremy right now. “So am I!” He pried Michael’s hands away from his face. “Look at me!”

Michael gasped in a shaky breath, doing as instructed. Jeremy's stern voice had honestly always scared Michael. He forced himself to open his eyes, looking up at him.

Jeremy’s expression was worried, but also angry. “If you liked me, you should have just told me! I spent months afraid you’d hate me if I confessed to you after acting obsessed with Christine! I _want_ to be with you!”

Michael wasn't sure he’d ever cried so hard. He wasn't even sure why, considering the boy he loved was telling him he liked him back. “You– you f-forgot me,” he found himself whispering, voice thin. 

Jeremy growled. “Probably just one last hurrah from the damn SQUIP.”

Michael sobbed softly again. “Y-You're m-mad,” he observed, still shaking. “I d-don't like it, Jeremy, it's scary.”

Jeremy’s face softened on its own. “I-I’m scary?” He didn’t want to be scary. He didn’t want to scare Michael. He didn’t want Michael scared at all. 

Michael wiped at his tears. “I don't like t-the yelling,” he muttered, ashamed at how weak he was.

Jeremy gulped. “I-I’m sorry, Michael.” He sighed. “For everything,” he added quietly. “We were so happy an hour ago. It was fucked up, but we were so damn happy. Please, can we be happy again?”

Michael sniffled. “You still want me? After everything I've done?”

Jeremy shrugged. “You still wanted me.”

Michael let out a broken laugh. “I've always wanted you, Jeremy. And I always will.”

“S-Same to you,” Jeremy said. “Even if it seems like I’ll leave you. I’m never leaving you again. Biggest mistake of my life.” This probably wasn’t healthy, or morally correct, but if they were even, they were even. 

Michael bit his lip, the salty taste of his tears reaching his tongue. “Will you hug me?”

Jeremy watched him sadly. “Of course I’ll hug you.” He made true on his promise. 

Michael buried his face into Jeremy's shoulder, trying to collect himself and stop crying. “I’m sorry I lied. It was fucked up. I really was going to tell you.”

Jeremy held him tightly. “I believe you, Michael.” He felt his own tears falling, finally. 

Michael was quiet for a bit, allowing himself time for his tears to slow. “I meant it all. Everything I told you, before you remembered? I meant every word.”

Jeremy nodded. “So did I,” he admitted. 

Michael finally wrapped his arms around Jeremy as well. “I love you.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy mumbled. “Love you too. But no more deception, okay? Please. No more lies.”

Michael nodded into Jeremy's shirt. “I promise.”

“Me too,” Jeremy assured. “I-It was kinda dubious, but I’d like it if I stayed your boyfriend.”

Michael's breath caught. “Really?”

“Really.”

Michael held Jeremy tighter. “Yes, please.”

“Great. Now we’re really even.”

**Author's Note:**

> yeah this ending was kinda uhhh morally shifty i do believe ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
